POPE - "ITS
stunned millions of followers worldwide when he claimed in a televised
mass that "it is all baloney".
In a rambling and often incoherent addresss on Italian state television,
he went on to say, "I'm the man. l'm infallible. So look, when somene
like me tells you that the whole thing is a pile of mad mumbo-jumbo, you
better listen up".
Vatican watchers claimed that ailing health had contributed to the papal
HELL ACTUALLY FROM HELL
Notorious Dundee neighbours from hell the McGarvey family are actually
from the real Hell, claim Dundee City Council.
In a startling response to claims of inaction after a court order decreed
that the family could be lawfully evicted, city councillors claim that
they lack the powers to do so because the McGarvey's are actual minions
of Beelzebub, mingling amongst mortals whilst they guard the portals to
Residents poured scorn on this claim. "They're just a bunch of fucking
bastards, that's all there is to it", said one.
Jim Balfour of the housing comittee told Wreckered, "We are presently
in liason with representatives from the Catholic church. I can assure
residents that the McGarveys will either be evicted or exorcised.
We will be serving a final notice to the family just as soon as we can
find a Jesuit Priest willing to go up there and hand it to them."
CLOTHED PHOTO FURY
Britney Spears was said today to be furious at shock clothed photo.
hidden under jacket
Seen above wearing the shock clothes -but just about to ged em off! -
the pop diva is inconsolable. "Britney cares about what her fans
think" said a spokesman. "She takes her role as a role model
Below, the famous picture of Britney Spears the role model dressed in
skimpy clothes, pushing a child's bicycle and with the word "baby"
witten on her ass.
BATON OF TRUTH A
The Baton of Truth, unearthed in France last month, is believed to be
a hoax baton. Farmer Jose Vicenze claimed his dog had dug up the sacred
object in a field (see wreckered edition 1). Carbon
dating has shown the find to be only two years old and made of a toilet
roll tube with gold cellophane stuck on.
Boffins say they will conduct further tests before announcing their findings
in the science journal Nature. A
source told Wreckered, however, "If this thing is the real Baton of
Truth I'm the King of China".