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empty space gif Edition # 5
The dulux edition
World news through our eyes
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"Gonnae no sack me" BBC Fred contract fury

Telly and radio star Fred MacAuley is set to be carpeted by BBC bigwigs after pledging to work for arch rivals STV. Insiders say that the decision has enraged his bosses and dumbfounded his legions of fans. The balding milionaire recluse morning radio presenter has chosen to jump ship having only recently secured a lucrative new contract from the BBC.

career switch
A source told wreckered, "Fred intends to present an arts programme for STV while continuing to host his morning radio show on the beeb. He sort of hoped that no-one would notice." The popular presenter, a regular guest at Viv Lumsden's notorious barbeques, is thought by some to be paving the way for a full blown career switch after six years with the BBC. Rumours persist of high level shenanigans by BBC Scotland bosses keen to placate the want-away star.
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Fred Macauley
richest man in Scotland
Senior producers and department heads have demanded a clear-the-air meeting with MacAuley, whose background in accounting practices and ferocious negotiating skills have helped him become the richest man in Scotland.

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Fred luxury hideaway
As well as properties in Glasgow and London, MacAuley is rumoured to own huge tracts of land in Perthshire, Galloway and Strathspey as well as a £10m luxury hideaway in St Lucia. Sir Elton John is said to be a frequent visitor and close friend of the unsettled star, who recently held up filming of the hit show Caledonia MacBrains while his tennis court was realigned.
blow
This latest blow for Radio Scotland comes on the heels of the recent departure of arts presenter Brian Morton, whose acrimonious exit included claims of unprofessionalism and rumours of an on-air drink dependancy culture.

Read Seonaid Divine on the lifestyles of the rich and famous in lifestyle

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Boffin poll bad news for boffins

In the wake of the death of Dolly the sheep (the GM sheep invented by Aberdeen scientists), poll after poll has confirmed that the general public does not trust boffins. Recent scientific breakthroughs have included ivf, stem cell research, separating conjoined twins, inventing hermaphrodites, GM peas, a dog that looks like a banister and a national DNA database which can spot paedophiles before they offend.

An IBM poll conducted for wreckered shows that 71% of urban dwellers wish the boffins to stop what they are doing and concentrate on a cure for hangovers. This contrasts with the 59% figure for those who live in the country and who would rather take it violently up the bum than agree with anything.

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DNA

 

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