KING JACK FURY
Self-styled king of Scotland Jack McConnell is said by insiders to be
livid over rumours that he has upset the queen. Former
love rat Jack is said to have been ejected from a royal garden party after
stroking the buttocks of queen niece Zara Phillips. A source told wreckered,
"Jack is a great
admirer of the female form, yet knows when to keep
his hands to himself, as befits a First Minister." Royal watchers
are reminded of the fury when
the Queen visited Australia in 1998 and
was touched on the coat by then Aussie PM Paul Keating. The queen has
not been back to Australia since.
POLICE: IGNORANCE AMNESTY
chiefs have mooted an ignorance amnesty as a way forward in combating
racist crime and homophobia. The amnesty, which would allow ignorance
to be declared at local police stations, has been given a cautious welcome
by liberty groups and the Home Office. Kirsty Moss, of Civil Rights UK,
said, "The problem with this plan is that the ignorant couldn't tell
a hate-crime from a cement mixer. How are they supposed to know what it
is that they are supposed to hand in ?" Blonde Kirsty, 27, told wreckered,
"The way forward is education. And until people pay as much attention
to schooling as they do to tabloid agendas, we are all screwed."
Home Secretary David Blunkett is said to be ambivalent towards the plan.
A Home Office source said, "Giving up ignorance could cause untold
difficulties for the democratic process and for politicians of all persuasions."
Read our outspoken columnist John Crow on the ignorance amnesty in yourwreck.
A football racism czar is to be appointed for Scottish football. While
welcomed by all but racists, the new czar will bring to fifteen the number
of czars overseeing problems such as drugs, immigration, teen pregnancy
and yobs. Libertarian guru Raymond Wilkes pondered,"With so many
czars now in so many areas of public life, one wonders who is guarding
the guardians. Surely it is time for a cohesive strategy under the eye
of an all-seeing czar czar."