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Edition # 8
World news through our eyes
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Vive la differenceempty space gif
Our outspoken columnist John Crow has his say.

The news that fat men are wearing bras comes as no news to me. Week by week, month by month, we see the erosion of traditional male values. While I am for equality as much as the next man, it is surely time for a gentle yet firm hand to be laid on the shoulder of women before the menfolk of this country finally disappear in a poncey great cloud of talcum powder.

For men of my father's generation, personal grooming amounted to little more than a regular haircut and a hot bath when required. They and their wives were happy. Nowadays, we are expected to cleanse, tone, wax and moisturise in order that we become more attractive to the likes of Germaine Greer and her fellow anarchists. I confess to having had my back waxed some years ago, but even then it was only as a prank by my friends whilst I lay unconscious in the street having been hit by a car.

In these days of celebrity culture and makeover TV, it can be difficult for the old fashioned bloke (in whose number I proudly count myself) to assert his right to be himself. That is why I live alone, much in the same way that Clint Eastwood's Man With No Name lived alone: preferring the company of his horse and the prairie cactus to that of hairdressers, beauty consultants and the fashionistas who would have us believe that the brassiere for men is a good thing. God gave man ten good fingers in order that he could unfasten bras and bring pleasure to their contents, not so that he could rummage through the lingerie racks looking for a nice one to wear on a hot date.

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FOR THE WRECKERED..
The editor speaks

John Crow (above) speaks eloquently of how men with paps should not wear bras. However, none of this should distract us from the very real threat posed by the tinkerings of science at the edge of morality. Our front page exclusive revealing the Matrix-style experiments taking place in Glasgow raises questions not only about government funding of such eclectic research, but about the directions in which such research may take us.

The beleagured taxpayer is entitled to wonder why there are potholes in the roads of Britain while scientists create alternative realities for worms; why we focus on manned missions to Mars while the poor of the third world go without televisions or food and why mainstream media is obsessed with the arses of pop stars while rumours persist of Al Quaeda scientists cloning asylum seekers in order to bring chaos and unrest to western societies.

Wreckered readers demand a shift in priorites by our leaders and academics. Let us put our own house in order before building new ones; let us ensure our guests are happy before inviting more to the party and let us set a good example to those who may be watching from distant planets.

Wreckered Archive
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Motoring #6
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Motoring #8

 

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