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Edition # 9
World news through our eyes
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England rugby world cup hero Johnny Wilkinson may be set for a shock move to Italy's Serie A.
Flamboyant Perugia president Luciano Gaucci has been in crunch talks with Wilko's agent to persuade the England number ten to change the oval ball for a round one. A spokesman for Perugia said, "This boy knows how to take a penalty - it would only be a matter of teaching him how to take them a bit lower."

Perugia already have Saadi Gaddafi, the son of Libyan supremo Colonel Gaddafi, on their books and Gaucci is set to bring female footballers into the macho world of Italian soccer by signing Sweden's Hanna Ljungberg. The maverick Italian boss is no stranger to controversy, having sacked his South Korean star Jung-Hwan Ahn after Ahn scored the goal which put Italy out of the 2002 soccer World Cup.

Wilkinson remains tight-lipped over the move, but Kevin Smart of Rugby United fanzine blasted the Perugia move. "This is about marketing, nothing more. Same as Beckham with Real Madrid. It is all about selling replica shirts with Johnny's number on the back."

In another twist to the tale, Wilkinson's agent confirmed that there have been enquiries from the USA from a number of NFL teams looking for a kicker of Wilko's quality.

Sportswreck competition
Which of these three sporting figures do you think Perugia would be least likely to be interested in signing ?
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Snooker legend Stephen Hendry Champion jockey Frankie Dettori Rangers star Nuno Capucho

E-mail wreckered with your choice in the subject line of your mail or text yourself with your vote now.
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empty space gifPREMIERSHIP HELL
Football and the world of satanism were rocked yesterday by allegations that Premiership stars have sold their souls to the devil in return for soccer stardom. Officials have called for calm while police investigate recent scandals involving footballers named in gang rapes, drunken assaults, drug use and death by dangerous driving. The allegations of devil worship were made by a photographer who claims to have used infra-red lenses to capture this remarkable image of satanic minions defending a one goal lead against humans.

Allegations of black magic are not new in world football. Some African clubs have been known to employ witch doctors to cast spells on opposition playmakers and, in one instance, a goalkeeper for Zimbabwean Premier League team the Incorrigible Zebras was found to have draped entrails and other items from his goal net.

Such extremes are rare in the UK, but it is known that during season 1930/31 notorious satanist Aleister Crowley played at centre half for Middlesborough and that in 1966 England's World Cup winning team employed the services of a trackside hypnotist to mess with the mind of a linesman.

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With Dundee FC the latest casualty in the debt crisis in Scottish football, auditors warn that it is only a matter of time before Scotland's national game is driven to extinction.
Sam Briggs of auditing specialists Sportswatch UK claims that within five years the Scottish Premier League will consist of only one full-time team and three others made up of amalgamated clubs using part- time players and ex-pros. Says Briggs, "Far from seeing the Old Firm head south to play in the English Premiership, we are more likely to see Scots football clubs en masse heading south to hang about outside London tube stations asking for money and growling at anyone in a suit."

The financial crisis is at odds with the perception among pundits and football writers that recent slight improvements in the national team's performances bode well for the Scottish game as a whole. With Motherwell and Dundee in administration and with Hearts, Hibs Livingston and Rangers (to name but four) struggling with millions of pounds of debt, one wonders where exactly it is that Scottish football is getting better. Quipped Oban man David Hamilton, "It's certainly not in the last third."

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empty space gifempty space gifRANGERS STAR NICKNAME WINNER
Wreckered sports is pleased to announce that we've had another entrant in our competition to provide a nickname for Glasgow Rangers defender Michael Ball. Granted, the competition was in issue 1 of the magazine some nine months ago, but nevertheless, one of our slower readers has submitted this suggestion. "Pea Head".
Congratulations to Robin Richardson, who will receive a free gif at some point. Probably in about nine months.
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