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Edition # 9
World news through our eyes
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Your Stars by Gypsy Nocturno

Our astrology babe has been reading the stars since discovering her special gift at the tender age of sixteen. If any of Gypsy's predictions come true for anyone, please e-mail us immediately.


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Aries
March 21 - April 20
Venus in your love zone will pucker your anus. Keep a candle handy.
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Taurus
April 21 - May 21
Affairs of the heart will cloud your vision while Saturn taunts Mars with caprice. Howl at the the moon on Monday.
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Gemini
May 22 - June 21
the sister of a close friend will be found dead at the house of a bookie
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Cancer
June 22 - July 22
obstacles will be removed and allow you to park a tractor in your neighbour's garden
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Leo
July 23 - August 23
a handsome stranger will get you drunk and dress you up as his mother
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Virgo
August 24 - Sept 23
deal now with a domestic problem then help a friend kill rats
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Libra
Sept 24 - October 23
be patient while the police search your home
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Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 22
something really gross will begin seeping out of your skull
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Sagittarius
Nov 23 - Dec 21
Mercury is in your career zone. Poison your boss.
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Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 20
you will begin a new life as a Rastafarian
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Aquarius
Jan 21 - Feb 19
The Chancellor Gordon Brown may appear at your door at midnight babbling about prudence and propriety
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Pisces
Feb 20 - March 20
see Taurus
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Wreckered Archive
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Motoring #6
Motoring #7
Motoring #8

 

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