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Edition # 10
World news through our eyes
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because there is only one you

Lifestyle religion special!

SPOTTED

Michael Jackson with his new chums at the Best Dressed Religion Awards in New York.

The Archbishop of Canterbury using a metal detector to locate a carpet tack stuck to a horse.

Desmond Tutu playing snooker with a female friend in Springburn, Glasgow.

US Episcopalian bishop Gene Robinson punching Nigerian Episcopalian bishop Cyril Okoracha in the head.

FASHION

Glosso 17 Halo Hair band. This funky alice band glows in the dark and let's the world know that there is a devil lurking inside your angel.

Glosso 17 Apple of God Lip Gloss. What better way to give silent prayer than with this 24-hour lip gloss. Snog-resistant and guaranteed to make any man feel penitent.

The Kneel Mat. Whether kneeling before God or giving your man that special treat, sooner or later your knees will complain. No more sore knees with the handy fold away Glosso 17 Kneel Mat.

ANGUISH - The personal life of Seonaid Divine, lifestyle diva

As January's grey mornings stare impassively from the skies, I wonder about the year ahead. Will this at last be the year of true love or will it be another year of disappointment, betrayal, booze hell, weight gain agony and hospitalisation ? In this, the Chinese Year of the Fruitbat, I pray for world peace, the end of carbon emmissions and a poster of Matt Damon dressed only in clingfilm. To my close friends I offer my thanks for their support during my recent hard times - except for bitch Sarah, who bonked my ex while I was in hospital.

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THAT "BEST DRESSED RELIGION AWARD" IN FULL
We sent wreckered 's very own party girl Seonaid Divine to New York last week for the star studded Best Dressed Religion Awards ceremony. Here is her exclusive report..

By the time you read this you'll probably know that the Nation of Islam scooped first place in the Best Dressed Religion Awards. But who were the other winners and losers of the evening ?

Hassidic Jews came a close second for their distinctive black and white formality softened by casual unbuttoned jackets and stringy hair bangs. Judge Trudi Smith said, "This is a classic look and might have won first place but for the Nation of Islam's daring use of the bow tie."

In third place, impressing the judges with the combination of vivid colour and flowing robes, the Buddhist Monks. Steve McQueen, bad boy of British fashion, is a fan of the Buddhist look. "It is timeless yet futuristic - but rooted in the past. And that trademark orange colour is like a signal of protest against Guantanamo Bay. Mindblowing."

A mixed night for the Catholics was brightened by a special commendation to the Catholic Church for its use of robes. Said Trudi Smith "Nobody does robes quite like the Catholics. Their use of bold fabrics and gold trim is nothing short of inspirational - which is what you want from a religion." The shock of the evening was the panel's unanimous dismissal of cardinals. London fashion icon designer guru Oswald Boetang echoed the panel's view, "We felt that cardinals could be making more of a statement other than that "look at me - I'm all dressed in red with a mad hat" sort of thing".

However, there was one more moment of succour for the Catholics when Holy Stick of the Year went to the Pope for his distinctive silver and gold sceptre featuring brass and ruby inlay. Unable to attend the event, the Pope sent a video message expressing his thanks for the award and blessing all those who voted for his holy stick. Speaking in English and Italian, a clearly delighted Pope said "This award is for all the Catholics who have worked so hard over the last twelve months."

The party went on till the wee hours with the great and the good of many nations enjoying the wine, wafers and the special foot-high profiteroles which were designed especially for the event by Nick Nairn and Jean Paul Gaultier. Highlight of the night was a display by the Nation of Islam's Cheerleader Army, whose scantily clad lockers and breakers wowed the guests with a combination of synchronised marching, body poppping and martial arts. I particularly enjoyed the US Evangelists who visited every table and spoke in tongues and shook snakes at a lucky few. Later, a number of guests including myself, three priests, a wreckered photographer and a shaman from the Ivory Coast blagged our way into New York's exclusive Heaven 24 nightclub where the dancing continued until 5am.

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HUNK OF GOD COMPETITION
Ever since Madonna wore a crucifix, the worlds of religion and fashion have enjoyed an uneasy relationship. Is fashion unholy ? Can religion be sexy ? Would priests be more popular if they dressed like rapper 50 Cent ? And which hunk would you most like rubbing your rosary ?

We want you to let your imagination run wild and tell us which of these hunks would look best dressed in religious garb. Tell us which sort of religious garb would best suit your Hunk of God and you could win a wreckered free gif and salvation.
Email Hunk of God with your choices and reasons.

Here are your hunks..

a) David Beckham
b) Justin Timberlake
c) Russell Crowe
d) Brad Pitt

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GOD HELPED ME LOSE 100 LBS
Housewife Janet Smillie told how God helped her lose 100 lbs in four days. The 29 yr old mother of two prayed to the Lord every night for a month in the hope that divine intervention could help her fit into this season's fashions. Said blonde Janet , "I've never been religious before, but since the lord God made me svelte, I've been praising His name everywhere I go." The delighted weight-loser has been on a paper wafer diet for three months and told wreckered, "Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins. God told me that people who arrive at the gates of heaven are routinely searched for biscuits and other snacks. The guzzling dead have their snacks confiscated and are ordered to the back of the queue."

Has God helped you lose weight ? Email lifestyle and share your story with wreckered readers.

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Motoring #6
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Motoring 10

 

 

 

 

 

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