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Edition # 11
World news through our eyes
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RETURN OF THE WRECKERED

It has been a long time.

Wreckered, one of the most popular magazines on the internet, is now back with new stories and sharp perspectives on our society and culture. During our hiatus, we continued to sit high in web rankings despite making no effort to refresh or update the content of the magazine.

With this, issue 11, we once again plant our flag in the dry dirt of internet journalism and we push back the boundaries of free speech and comment to deliver to our loyal readership our trademark mix of not only news, but the news behind the news, as well the news which other publications refuse to regard as news.

We are delighted, in this issue, to feature the contributions of Daniel Campbell, Keith Foster and cartoonist Julian Loayza.

In a surprising development, our sports and motoring readers will now benefit from wreckered's friendly association with the noted F1 website GrandPrixDiary.com.

Some of you might have missed us. Some of you may not care. We do not know. What we do know is that the one thing which remains undiminished is our passion to bring the big news, monthly, to those who crave the big news.

Ed


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MIDDLE EAST TERROR MUST HALTempty space gif

The continuing wave of terror, reprisal and suicide assassinations between Israel and Palestine is blighting the lives of many who wish to book holidays in that sorry region. While I have sympathy for neither demented Arabs nor homicidal Hebrews, I need look only at the sad eyes of my six year old son Finlay to see that it is the young who suffer most in this never ending cycle of violence and recrimination. I have tried to explain to him that the Israeli-Palestinian problem is akin to the global turd that will not flush away; that a constant diet of sausages and bullets and fatty foods offers no solution to a conflict rooted in religion, occupation and fear.

Wherefore then, the leader who will bring stability among the olive groves ? Wherefore then, the statesman who might stick his gloved hand down the U-bend of middle eastern politics and remove the unseemly and aggressive blockage which sits there snarling like a pound of hostile mince ?

And yet still, young Finlay wishes only to have a holiday in the sun, floating with water wings on the Dead Sea and munching on lox. His innocent eyes plead with me to bring a cessation to hostilities and to bring lasting peace to that troubled region. As a father, I am forced to concede to him my impotence in such matters and to buy him toys, trainers and video game peripherals in order to distract him from his fears and ensure that his life be no longer complicated by the power struggles and human tragedy of the holy lands.


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Securitate cartoons by Julian Loayza. Click them to enlarge. See Jul's stuff at julianloayza.wordpress.com

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FOR THE WRECKERED..
The editor speaks

John Crow (above) speaks eloquently of how the continuing wave of terror, reprisal and suicide assassinations between Israel and Palestine is blighting the lives of many who wish to book holidays in that sorry region. However, none of this should distract us from the obesity crisis presently facing the UK and her allies. With 53% of schoolchildren clinically obese and more than 70% of parents clinically stupid, it is time for politicians to take action before the entire country becomes a nation of dimwit chubsters guzzling burgers and chips given away free with tabloids.

John Crow himself weighs more than 17 stones, yet was able to complete the London marathon in under ten hours through sheer force of will, pushing himself through the pain barrier as an example to our leaders and to those who would decry the right of the common man to stagger round the public byways for no more reward than the satisfaction of staggering round the public byways. High time, surely, that those in power looked further ahead than the next round of local and national elections and to put the health of the nation before petty political point-scoring and expensive junkets to China.

While we are all for fact-finding missions, we call for those who wield influence to now curb their partisanship and to lead us out of the deep fry morass and into a slimline tonic future free of additives, suspicion and spin.

Ed

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DANGER DIET FURY
By Daniel Campbell

Yesterday saw the launch of a controversial new self-help book intended to act as a companion to a dangerous new dieting craze that is currently sweeping the nation, and causing concern amongst health officials.

‘The Crass Dieting Handbook’ serves as a guide to what is known as ‘crass dieting’. The fad originated in America and has been popularised in Britain by celebrities such as Phil Tufnell and Patsy Palmer, both of whom publicly use the diet. The principle of the diet, which the British Board of Nutrition has slammed as being ‘completely out of whack’, revolves around abstaining from any kind of nutritionary intake, and instead only consuming the foods that the diet’s creator, Tex Krezwalski, calls ‘substantiary brain intake’.

‘Substantiary brain intake is a series of food supplements administered in eighteen small portions throughout the course of the day,’ Mr. Krezwalski said yesterday in an interview for American television. ‘The reason crass dieting is so effective is because, unlike other diets, we give you a real choice on what substantiary brain intake to have, so it never gets boring.’

Foods allowed as ‘substantiary brain intake’, as listed in the Crass Dieting Handbook, include barley, snow, ‘juice’ and soot. However, the selection of food allowed by the diet has come under attack from experts, who say that some of the foods recommended by the book may actually be harmful if eaten. ‘It’s preposterous,’ says Diane Waite, a dietician and author of ‘Slim 2001: Thin in Space’, who was present at the launch of the Crass Dieting Handbook at Border’s in Kenilworth. ‘Modern human beings simply cannot survive on barley. In caveman days our bodies probably had special glands to process wheat and other long grasses, but since we’ve evolved into proper people we’ve had no need for those glands, and so our bodies just evolved them away.’

Despite the criticism and warnings from the governmental Department of Bodily Health, crass dieting has its share of devoted followers. Tracey Falstaff, an IT Consultant from Stockton, maintains that without crass dieting she would be dead. ‘Last year I weighed fifty-three stones and was so obese I couldn’t even see out of my own eyes,’ she said in retaliation to Ms. Waite’s comments. ‘The doctor was going to put me on a drip. With crass dieting I managed to lose nine stones in less than twenty four hours. And that was only the first day. These people that knock the diet don’t know what they’re talking about.’

Mr. Kreznalski, who was boarding a solid gold jumbo jet when we approached him, declined to comment.

Wreckered Archive
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Motoring #6
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Motoring #8
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Motoring 10

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