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Edition # 12
Lifestyle in a world of fear
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because there is only one you

CELEBRITIES SPOTTED !

Cheryl Cole throwing a dog off a bridge in Newcastle town centre.

News babe Kirsty Young leading a gang of vigilantes towards a crack den in Leeds.

Tennis ace Andy Murray challenging a street light to "come ahead!"

Hardeep Singh Kohli wandering the forests of Britain in search of no-strings sex.

Former Serbian warlord Ratko Mladic buying a steak-bake in Greggs the Bakers, Shawlands, Glasgow.

Victoria Beckham rescuing a dog from a river in Newcastle.

Tired and emotional Charlotte Church shouting at the Pope.

ACCESSORIES

Glosso 17 Spray On Botox
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No more painful injections and huge bills. G17's handy Botox kit can be used whenever your face is falling off - no matter where you are.

iPhone Diet Pal
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The latest iPhone app tracks your weight gain and sends an alert to everyone in your contact list if you go over your ideal weight.

SEONAID'S ANGUISH DIARY
The personal life of a lifestyle diva

I have learned to overcome my fears by using a variety of techniques: positive imaging, deep breathing, bottles of alcohol, breast enhancement and setting my Facebook profile to private.

I can deal with most situations by the use of wits and lipstick. I can spot a liar at a hundred paces. I can throw a cutlery knife across a room and pin you to the wall by your lobe. I have been in rehab. I have seen the depths of my doubts and the width of my hips.

I was raised by a gypsy and sired by a thief. White lightning knows my name. I'm a jumping jack heart attack with a box big enough for all you kingsnake cobras.

Hear me. For I am Seonaid.

 

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SEX WITH FREAKS!


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TARA JONES - SEX COLUMNIST OF THE YEAR
Tara Jones is a qualified sex expert whose forthright views on human sexuality have caused her to be arrested four times. Her racy exploits in the sex dens of Europe formed the basis of her controversial best-seller biography "Stroke".

Tara now writes exclusively for wreckered magazine. In part four of her exclusive sex survey, Tara speaks to women who have had sex with freaks.


My survey of the sexual habits of today's woman continues this month with more shocking revelations. I asked four women of today about their sexual experiences with freaks.

ISOBEL (28, Events Organiser)
I lost my virginity to a man with a talking penis. He was a foreign exchange student from Bejing. It was okay, but I don't speak Mandarin and I had no idea what his penis was saying.

CAROL (30 PR)
I once spent the night with a yoga teacher who could rotate his waist 180 degrees so that everything down there faced backwards. Doing it doggy-style was more trouble than it was worth.

ALISON (22, TV researcher)
He was 8' 5" tall and everything about him was in proportion! I couldn't wait to get him into my bedroom. In fact, I couldn't get him into my bedroom. We had to use ropes and pulleys to hoist him up the side of the building and in through the window.

JOSIE (33, company director)
My ex-boyfriend was born with male and female genitals. This meant we could have a threesome with only two of us in bed.

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SELF HARM ANTHEMS!
Wreckered exclusive CD competition!


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"Bleak" NME.
"Haunting" MOJO
"Music to keep you young forever" Emo Digest


Win this fantastic collection of self harm anthems by telling us about your issues. Simply e-mail us with your stories of despair and self-loathing and we will enter your name in our fantastic prize draw.

Anecdotes of despair and self-loathing should be no longer than 40 words and should be sent to editor@wreckered.co.uk with the words "Drain The Blood From My Soul" in the subject line of your e-mail.

Wreckered lifestyle diva Seonaid Divine:"This CD is the soundtrack to my life. It's a must-have for the don't-haves."

The competition is not open to employees of wreckered or relatives of employees of wreckered or wreckered employees whose relatives are unemployed.

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Wreckered Archive
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Motoring #6
Motoring #7
Motoring #8
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