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Edition # 12
The Fear Special
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Reasons To Be Fearful!

The A-Z of Fear


Readers who fear scrolling should note that this page involves scrolling.
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A
Avian Flu
Diseased birds landing on British shores and spreading foreign disease among the birds of Britain and amongst those who have had human contact with birds must be our first priority. Those of us who live in fear must look to the skies.

B
Breadline
The fear of the breadline. The fear of those who are not on the breadline of those who are on the breadline. The fear of those who have no idea what the breadline is and who fear what the breadline may mean to them. The fear of bakers who fear that the breadline may shorten while it lengthens.

C
Cow Disease (mad)
No-one would dispute the right of cows to be mad. But in today's Britain, such cows must be properly supervised in order to protect our children. Mad cow disease (spongiform bovinus insanitus) can return at any time. Cow-watchers say they can monitor only 4% of Britain's cows in a year.



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D
Debt.
Fear of debt is driving more and more people to consolidate their debt by taking on more debt. Wreckered stands shoulder to shoulder with those who have debt. Wreckered is in debt.

E
Everything.
The fear of everything. The dictionary describes this condition as panophobia. This description itself can cause alarm among the panophobic.

F
Fraud
While figures for fraud are often unreliable, identity theft has increased fourfold in the last four months, sparking fear and distrust among the unidentified.

G
Gangsta Rap
In 2009, fifteen people died of boredom listening to this garbage.

H
Holistic Medicine
As science has fought back against the claims of alternative medicines, a holistic backlash is expected.

I
Internet chat-rooms
Despite patrols by cyber cops, the chat-rooms remain a haven for paedophiles intent on grooming children for sex. A new generation of computer-savvy perverts threatens to bring the internet to a standstill. Experts warn of the imminent death of e-commerce.

J
Jordan
In 2009, eight people died of boredom reading about this woman.

K
Ketamine
Ketamine is a horse tranquiliser which has become the drug of choice for many clubbers and degenerates. A dissociative anaesthetic with analgesic properties, the drug can cause numbing of the body and dramatic alterations of the mind. Among users, the drug is known variously as Ket, K, Special K, Vitamin K, Auntie K, Jay Kay, Peter Kaye, Krusty the K, Reiki, OK, KKK, AK-47, Janette Krankie, Koala, Kuala Lumpa, Mr Soft, Jah Wobble, Humpty Dumpty, Terminal 5, Jiffy Bag, Carpet Magnet and Plop.

L
Lycanthropy
The condition whereby a person will transform into a werewolf. Not as popular as it once was, but still a source of concern for people living in rural areas. Many in Scotland persist in sleeping with a silver bullet hidden in an orifice.

M
Men with big heads
In normal life, little is as unsettling as being confronted by a man with a massive head. At wreckered magazine we had to fire a guy who had a gigantic head. The dimensions of his skull caused fear and fury among the secretarial staff. We subsequently fired the secretaries. We did not re-hire the guy with the huge head. Good riddance to the lot of them.

N
Night.
Many fear the night. For the night brings darkness and slumber. With darkness and slumber comes vulnerability. And with vulnerability comes fear. Therefore, we must fear the night. For the night brings fear.

O
Obesity
With over 82% of the western world now clinically obese, the unobese must now fear the power of the obese.

P
Pakistan
We don't know exactly what the f*** is going in Pakistan, but Tim Burton is reported to be thinking about making a movie.

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Q
Queers
While the overwhelming majority of queers present no threat to society, we must be ever aware of those few queers who seek to alarm other members of society by shrieking unexpectedly and by braying the phrase "evil witch" four times in every hour of the day.

R
Rave Revival
In the 1980's, the UK was terrorised by illegal dancers. Experts fear that a revival of rave culture will see a new generation of ravers gathering on remote farmlands and ingesting Krusty the K in the dead of night and affecting the milk yield of the cows of Britain.

S
Sun
The sun, or Ra as it was known in ancient cultures, will explode in a supernova many years from now. While none of us today will be alive to witness the demise of Earth, it is true to say that the majority of Earth people feel a deep sadness on behalf of our great great great great great great grand-children. How will they view us, who did nothing to slow the demise of the Sun?

T
Terrorists
The global terror threat is now a worldwide phenomenon. No country, no town, no individual is now safe from the Islamic hordes who seek to overturn western values in their quest for martyrdom and so on. Wreckered supports the development of the Star Wars weapons system in the fight against global terror and against the black widow suicide bombers of Chechnya. We stand shoulder to shoulder with our government in their assertion that keeping our boys in Afghanistan is keeping the streets of Britain safe.

U
Under Age Drinking
One of the greatest sources of Fear is drunk children and youths. These pubescent piss-heads cause grief, violence, traffic accidents, unwanted pregnancies and STDs (See John Crow's commentary in yourwreck). Half of them have probably been sniffing Janette Krankie. Wreckered stands with those who would handcuff teenage drunks, load them into a Chinook and throw every last one of them into the cold, dark depths of the Atlantic

V
Venezuala
The fear of Venezuala. Hugo Chavez, self styled,democratically elected leader of the Venezualan people has stated that the mineral rights of theVenezualan people should belong to the Venezualan people. Fear this - for it is fearful.

W
Women with big scarey eyes
No-one on this planet is comfortable in the company of women with big scarey eyes. And yet, they walk among us. Fear them - for they too are fearful.

X
Xenophobia
While Wreckered magazine will defend to the end the right of gay women to elect whomsoever they wish as a leader, the elevation of Xeno Warrior Princess as a role model is by far a queer too far. What should be the response of normal parents whose nine year old daughter asks them if it is okay to wear a neck collar, large hair and leather trousers?

Y
Youth
Fear of the young has been present since time began. It is true to say that the youth of today are worse than the youth of yesterday, but wreckered stands firmly behind Carlos Santana who memorably sang "Let The Children Play".

Z
Zenon
Fear of the planet Zenon. There has been no attack on Earth by the planet Zenon since the 1950's. Still, their leader Emperor Tang has sworn his vengeance on us after his daughter fell in love with an Earth Man.

Wreckered Archive
Get - Issue #1
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Get - Issue 10
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Motoring #6
Motoring #7
Motoring #8
Motoring #9
Motoring 10
Motoring 11

 

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