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Edition # 13
All #13 news on one page
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Gay Undertaker Fury
A Scottish undertaker faces criminal action after refusing to bury straight corpses. Scott Agnew, of Agnew, Agnew and Agnew operates a gay-dead only policy in his family-run undertaker business.

He told wreckered, "It started as a joke, just to wind up people who didn't want their loved ones temporarily stored in our back room beside dead gay people".

"From there, we got the idea to make our service the first gay-friendly undertakers outside of San Francisco. In truth, there is not much difference between our service and any other, except that the music in our parlour is less dreary than most."

Brendan Parker of the right- wing think tank Freedom To Punish called for an end to discrimination in the grave. "No undertaker has the right to deny anyone a decent burial service."

Agnew is unrepentant. "I will not bow to the Don't Ask, Dont Tell brigade. If gay people want a gay funeral, we're gay enough to give them it."

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Scott Agnew, controversial head of Funeral Directors Agnew, Agnew and Agnew. Find him on Facebook here

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Google Earth Stealth Weapon Fury
by wreckered US Correspondent Xenia Schiller

Eager to attack the war on terror, Google is facing unfriendly fire from critics after its much anticipated Google Earth Stealth Weapon™ accidentally discharged Monday, resulting in the deaths of 8 Pakistani soldiers. “The discharge was accidental,” a company spokesperson confirmed. The weapon was not set to debut until Tuesday.

Google Earth Stealth Weapon™ combines 3D satellite technology with a new top-secret laser to locate, target and destroy Al Qaeda operatives operating in Iraq and Afghanistan. An insider told wreckered, “One of the secretaries was doing lunch hour surveillance on her boyfriend’s house when it happened. We have reason to believe it’s related.”

Mandy Ferris, the employee in question, is staunch in her denials of wrongdoing. “That bastard was cheating,” she told wreckered. “I’m not saying I had anything to do with what happened to those Armenians, but I will say I think I can get a good lock on his house now.” A coworker, who asked to remain anonymous, said Ms. Ferris has difficulty reading maps.

Read more by Xenia Schiller here and there


Was the mystery missile seen above California in November 2010 a Google Earth Stealth weapon?

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Rap Star Biscuits Fury
Gangsta rap star Ice Pole has denied rumours that he was seen buying a packet of biscuits. The controversial rapper, whose 2009 album "My Mutha******* Crew Don't Buy Biscuits" has sold more than 400 million copies, refuted claims that he had been seen in a Wal-Mart/Asda store buying a packet of biscuits. Store staff, however, maintained that he had bought biscuits on a number of occasions. Store manager Mark Nelson told wreckered, "He definitely bought biscuits from us. I saw it with my own eyes."
The claims and counter-claims echo the controversy in 2001 when Snoop Doggy Dogg was seen buying biscuits, but whose clique claimed that what their homie had bought were Jaffa Cakes, which don't qualify as biscuits, on account of the spongey bit below the orangey bit.

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Shark Attacks Fury
This summer saw an increase in the number of shark attacks on British beaches. Twelve sharks were attacked by holidaymakers on the south coast of England, with further reports of verbal abuse being hurled at basking sharks in the Moray Firth, Scotland.

In August, a Spiny Dogfish Shark was found dead in the shallows of Morecambe beach and a North Atlantic seal shark was found badly injured outside a delicatessen in Glasgow. It is thought the seal shark had made its way up the River Clyde in search of chips or other food. Shark groups condemned the attacks. Ray Bradshaw of Shark Chums, pointed to the recession as a reason for the attacks.

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"In hard times, people often look for a scapegoat. Once it was the Jews - now it is the sharks."

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Jaipuri Jury Fury
Twenty people were injured when a curry making competition was marred by crowd trouble. The Jaipuri Festival in the Peshwar region of India exploded into violence Saturday night when judges gave first prize to a chicken jaipuri made by visiting chef Hardeep Singh Kohli.

His fierce rival, Saj Chauddry, twice winner of the popular event and dubbed the Duke of Jaipuri, was stunned when the curry judges placed his Monkfish Tails Jaipuri second behind Kohli's Free Range Chicken Jaipuri. Chauddry, who makes all his food in a clay karahi oven, called for a recount and sparked mayhem among an already volatile crowd when he questioned the caste status of the judges.

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Marie Curie Angustura Fury

Relatives of the famous scientist Marie Curie have slammed claims that she was addicted to Brandy Sours.

Regular wreckered readers can fill in the rest of this item without breaking sweat.

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