Undertaker Fury A Scottish undertaker faces criminal action after
refusing to bury straight corpses. Scott Agnew, of Agnew, Agnew
and Agnew operates a gay-dead only policy in his family-run undertaker
He told wreckered, "It started as a joke, just to wind up
people who didn't want their loved ones temporarily stored in our
back room beside dead gay people".
"From there, we got the idea to make our service the first
gay-friendly undertakers outside of San Francisco. In truth, there
is not much difference between our service and any other, except
that the music in our parlour is less dreary than most."
Brendan Parker of the right- wing think tank Freedom To Punish
called for an end to discrimination in the grave. "No undertaker
has the right to deny anyone a decent burial service."
Agnew is unrepentant. "I will not bow to the Don't Ask, Dont
Tell brigade. If gay people want a gay funeral, we're gay enough
to give them it."
Scott Agnew, controversial head of Funeral Directors Agnew, Agnew
and Agnew. Find him on Facebook here
Earth Stealth Weapon Fury
by wreckered US Correspondent Xenia Schiller
Eager to attack the war on terror, Google is facing unfriendly
fire from critics after its much anticipated Google Earth Stealth
Weapon™ accidentally discharged Monday, resulting in the deaths
of 8 Pakistani soldiers. “The discharge was accidental,”
a company spokesperson confirmed. The weapon was not set to debut
Google Earth Stealth Weapon™ combines 3D satellite technology
with a new top-secret laser to locate, target and destroy Al Qaeda
operatives operating in Iraq and Afghanistan. An insider told wreckered,
“One of the secretaries was doing lunch hour surveillance
on her boyfriend’s house when it happened. We have reason
to believe it’s related.”
Mandy Ferris, the employee in question, is staunch in her denials
of wrongdoing. “That bastard was cheating,” she told
wreckered. “I’m not saying I had anything to do with
what happened to those Armenians, but I will say I think I can get
a good lock on his house now.” A coworker, who asked to remain
anonymous, said Ms. Ferris has difficulty reading maps.
Was the mystery missile seen above California in November 2010
a Google Earth Stealth weapon?
Star Biscuits Fury
Gangsta rap star Ice Pole has denied rumours that he was seen buying
a packet of biscuits. The controversial rapper, whose 2009 album
"My Mutha******* Crew Don't Buy Biscuits" has sold more
than 400 million copies, refuted claims that he had been seen in
a Wal-Mart/Asda store buying a packet of biscuits. Store staff,
however, maintained that he had bought biscuits on a number of occasions.
Store manager Mark Nelson told wreckered, "He definitely bought
biscuits from us. I saw it with my own eyes."
The claims and counter-claims echo the controversy in 2001 when
Snoop Doggy Dogg was seen buying biscuits, but whose clique claimed
that what their homie had bought were Jaffa Cakes, which don't qualify
as biscuits, on account of the spongey bit below the orangey bit.
Attacks Fury This summer saw an increase in the number of shark
attacks on British beaches. Twelve sharks were attacked by holidaymakers
on the south coast of England, with further reports of verbal abuse
being hurled at basking sharks in the Moray Firth, Scotland.
In August, a Spiny Dogfish Shark was found dead in the shallows
of Morecambe beach and a North Atlantic seal shark was found badly
injured outside a delicatessen in Glasgow. It is thought the seal
shark had made its way up the River Clyde in search of chips or
other food. Shark groups condemned the attacks. Ray Bradshaw of
Shark Chums, pointed to the recession as a reason for the attacks.
"In hard times, people often look for a scapegoat. Once it
was the Jews - now it is the sharks."
Twenty people were injured when a curry making competition was marred
by crowd trouble. The Jaipuri Festival in the Peshwar region of
India exploded into violence Saturday night when judges gave first
prize to a chicken jaipuri made by visiting chef Hardeep Singh Kohli.
His fierce rival, Saj Chauddry, twice winner of the popular event
and dubbed the Duke of Jaipuri, was stunned when the curry judges
placed his Monkfish Tails Jaipuri second behind Kohli's Free Range
Chicken Jaipuri. Chauddry, who makes all his food in a clay karahi
oven, called for a recount and sparked mayhem among an already volatile
crowd when he questioned the caste status of the judges.
Curie Angustura Fury
Relatives of the famous scientist Marie Curie have
slammed claims that she was addicted to Brandy Sours.
Regular wreckered readers can fill in the rest of
this item without breaking sweat.