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Edition # 13
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Opinion

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Tabu

 

by Marian Kamensky.

 

See more of Marian's work at:

 

www.humor-kamensky.sk

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In these times in which we are all looking for answers, it seems to me that the wisdom of the ancients is often overlooked. It is clear, of course, that the ancients did not have complete wisdom, otherwise they would still walk among us.

In my younger days, I took peyote with native Americans and smoked the pipe of possibility with high priests. Yes, I experimented with drugs and substances. But, I do not condone that behaviour. In 1979, in a remote part of India, I ingested something which made me see and smell things I never wish to see or smell again. My travels in South America in the latter part of the 80's saw me chew coca leaves with monkeys and share needles with burned out vets of the Salvadorean wars. In a shabby apartment in Cairo in 1990, at my lowest ebb, I smoked pieces of carpet and injected dirty postcards. It was only when I returned to Britain and saw the havoc that drugs had caused in my country, that I turned my back on narcotics once and for all and embraced vodka.

Yes. Vodka. It is time for the Britain of today to ban all drugs and lower the price of vodka.The medicinal properties of vodka are well-known, but what is rarely mentioned - because it is not politically correct to do so - is that vodka can transform any ordinary person into someone interesting and witty and can imbue that person with a fine singing voice. Clearly it should not be served or sold to anyone under the age of thirty, but legislation of some sort should be put in place to allow our nation - our once proud nation - to use vodka as a social restorative.

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FOR THE WRECKERED..
The editor speaks

John Crow (above) speaks eloquently of how vodka could be used as a social restorative. However, none of this should distract us from the astonishing news that ex-Beatle John Lennon is alive. Cynics have pointed to the remarkable coincidence of this breaking news being coincident to the news that The Beatles recordings are now (in November 2010), after various legal wrangles, available on iTunes. Yoko Ono has dismissed these comments as ludicrous and asserts that Lennon's "assassination" was no more than a piece of conceptual art - a claim which has stunned not only the general public, but even the community of conceptual artists. Damien Hirst is reported to be "sickened" and Tracy Emin (herself no stranger to controversy) has called for Yoko herself to be "shot with real bullets".

While wreckered would not go that far, we will not disagree with those who call for conceptual artists to be thrown into the sea from a helicopter. For too long, those who cannot draw have been glueing coconuts onto dead animals and claiming it as art; for too long those who wouldn't know a paintbrush from a porcupine have commanded ridiculous fees for demented whimsy and for far, far too long the public has had to pretend that it knew what it was all about in the first place.

A line must be drawn in the sand. Now. And not by a conceptual artist - but by a citizen with a stick.

Below, from 1971, is what can happen if you let a conceptual artist get near a microphone. In this clip, a nervous John Lennon jams with Frank Zappa and The Mothers Of Invention. If this were not bad enough, the true horror begins at around 2min 46 seconds.



 

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