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Stars #14
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Stars by Psychic Augusta

Psychic Augusta has been reading the stars and casting runes since discovering her special gift at the tender age of sixteen. If any of her predictions come true for anyone, please e-mail us immediately.



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Aries
March 21 - April 20
It takes a village to change. Love your neighbour like nobody's watching.
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Taurus
April 21 - May 21
Those who live underground will be luckier than most. Befriend a mole.
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Gemini
May 22 - June 21
Panties are lost when static cling betrays you at the grocery. Walk forward with purpose. A good month for bargains.
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Cancer
June 22 - July 22
An uptick in solar flares brings satellite imagery and a press conference from NASA. Ask a friend for fellatio tips.
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Leo
July 23 - August 23
Shaky-mane Leos will have cause to take a hair product back to the store. Expect resistance from those who hate you.
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Virgo
August 24 - Sept 23
Three virgins will wail outside your window. Ignore them, for their innocence will confuse your moon ring.
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Libra
Sept 24 - October 23
The moons of cyrus vance are in ascendancy. Earth, wind and fire may encourage you to blow whistles at a funeral.
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Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 22
Scorpions get bitten by crabs this month Stay off the beach and away from strangers. Embrace friends of such strangers.
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Sagittarius
Nov 23 - Dec 21
Sagittarian serenity is disturbed by a horrifying cyst which appears arbitrarily on unconnected bits of your skin.
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Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 20
Little old lady got mutilated late last night. Werewolves of London, again. Hut!
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Aquarius
Jan 21 - Feb 19
There's something happenin' here. What it is ain't exactly clear. Put a flower in the rifle barrel of a National Guard. Flower children of the aquarian age
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Pisces
Feb 20 - March 20
see Taurus
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