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Opinion # 15
Opinion and ediitorial
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THE RIGHT TO ROAMempty space gif

The human race has always roamed. From the high plains to the rivers, from the mountains to the sea. I condemn those who, in our current climate of suspicion, would deny me my right to roam.

In my young days, I would roam far from home, my only companion a tuna sandwich. Many were the happy afternoons when I would roam the hills and glens towards some distant abode, roam through someone’s back door and around their kitchen, savouring the sights and smells of food simmering upon a stranger’s stove.

Many were the characters I would meet while roaming: travellers with tales to tell, housewives with raised eyebrows, policemen.

As a young man, I spent a happy year as a gentleman of the road, wandering the countryside lanes and the brambleberry paths of my youth, taking pleasure in the song of the lark, the call of the wild, the sound of an approaching siren.

But those days are gone. Those simple steps I once took are now halted by electric fences, warning signs, cameras and private minefields. While I stand foursquare behind those who would seek to protect their property and women from trespassers, indigents, so-called travellers and dogs wearing a cravat, I will confess to melancholy at the loss of the basic freedom which once allowed a happy bearded youth to investigate the gardens and windows of my fellow man.

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A view from the USA by guest editor Xenia Schiller


John Crow (above) speaks eloquently of trespassing, However, none of this should distract us from the very real issues facing American immigrants desperately seeking asylum in the kingdom of the semi-free. Until David Cameron’s reign of terror ends, there can be no peace for the Yankee man.

Progress! I speak to you today of progress. Y’all need us, Scotland. More specifically, y’all need me – to light the way. When the average household lacks the very basic amenities to survive, there will always be want. Until you discover cars, you will remain dependent on your feet. I invite you to take the first bold steps into the future, embrace technology and cast off the shackles of this third world lifestyle.

I speak of tumble dryers. I speak of the gratuitous use of ice, preservatives and corn syrup. I speak of placing the @ sign above the 2 where it belongs, not on the side of the keyboard where no one outside the UK would ever think to look for it. (WTF is that about? I speak to you of common sense.)

Think of the savings. In time. In frustration. In loss of life and will to live.

These ideas are revolutionary, yes, but I am born of revolutionaries. You need a revolution, an evolution, a proclamation, an emancipation! McDonald’s is just the beginning. Allow yourselves the hope of Taco Bell. Until every Scot has access to the 7 layer burrito, you will never truly be free.



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